TELL THE WORLD ABOUT NIBIRU, OR I WILL

On July 22, 2016, Donald J. Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, after a breakthrough telephone conversation and a clandestine meeting at the Kremlin, vowed to reveal the Nibiru reality and its cover-up.

The two world leaders signed a memorandum of understanding; in exchange for Putin’s silence, Trump swore to expose the Nibiru cover-up as one of his earliest presidential acts, if elected. Less than a week after the billionaire’s miraculous victory over Hillary Clinton, our Kremlin source said that Putin “is on edge,” “fidgety,” and gravely concerned that Trump will not fulfill his promise. Tuesday night, our source said, a Russian diplomat hand-delivered a letter to President-elect Trump at his Trump Tower penthouse apartment. That letter, handwritten by Vladimir Putin, contained only a single sentence: “Tell the world about Nibiru, or I will.”

“Putin made this agreement with Trump based on mutual respect,” our source said. “In many ways, Putin sees Trump as a kindred spirit. He was absolutely convinced that Trump would break with Washington policy and warn the world about the forthcoming Nibiru cataclysm. Even though Trump has not yet moved into the White House, Putin’s beginning to question Trump’s resolve.”

This change in posture sharply contrasts with Putin’s attitude on election night. Following Trump’s historic victory, a jubilant Vladimir Putin used “the Kremlin Teletype,” located in the basement of Russia’s most fortified structure, to send Trump a congratulatory letter. He showered Trump with lavish praise, even referring to Trump as his “American brother” and “comrade in arms.”

But recent developments in American politics seem to have provoked anxiety in the Russian president. “Though Trump has been president-elect for just over one week, Putin has noticed changes in his behavior and his policies. This very much concerns President Putin. He put all his faith in Trump. Putin thought Trump was a strong, stoic man, but already sees him softening,” said our Moscow source.

Putin’s concerns are apparently linked to Trump waffling on important issues like immigration reform and, more importantly, appearing to back from his promise to incarcerate Hillary Clinton. During the second presidential debate, Trump loomed over Hillary like a shadow, promising to hire a special prosecutor to investigate her crimes and misdemeanors against the American people. On Sunday night, however, Trump backpedalled, telling CBS’s 60-Minutes host Leslie Stahl “These are great, great people. Really great. I don’t want to hurt these people.”

We can quote our Kremlin source verbatim: “If President-elect Trump is so squishy he already caves in on his promise to jail nasty Hillary Clinton—a woman who has caused Russia many problems—then how can Putin trust him to disclose Nibiru? If this Hillary Clinton lady lived in Russia, we would send her to gulag. He also tries to wiggle out of throwing Mexicans out of your country. First, he says he’ll throw them all out and build a magnificent wall. Now he says he’ll only toss out two or three million and put a little fence up. How is President Putin supposed to justify this? Nibiru is humankind’s greatest threat. It caused the five great extinctions, including the dinosaurs! It sunk Atlantis, and now it may be trying to kill us. If Trump is so weak he has already broken pledges to his supporters, how can Putin count on him to reveal Nibiru. Trump must announce Nibiru!”

According to unimpeachable sources—including Russian Ambassador Vitaly Churkin—Putin will give Trump thirty days—starting on 20 January— address the forthcoming Nibiru apocalypse. Failure, Putin said, is not an option. Any additional postponement would be considered a blatant act of bad faith against the Soviet Union and its people, compelling the Russian president to warn the world about Nibiru himself.

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